Entry tags:
I has committed Fic.
And committed is the right word.
Last night, I got a text from![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
moonlettuce that can be summed up as 'save me from shitty DJs and their insistence on playing ::shudder:: dance remixes of every classic song that's requested of them'. After rejecting my first suggestion of 'kill it with fire', I was left with no alternative but to text her something to cheer her up.
Text her 24 times with something to cheer her up, because while Claire can text me random porn and fit it into one text message apparently my inability to be concise affects my 'it's almost midnight and I can't believe I'm writing Tyler/El Blanco porn' texting abilities as well. (And let me say now that you haven't lived unless you have experienced Claire's 'it's the end of the month, how can I use my remaining text message quota' texting of random porn to you.)
So below the cut is 700 words of Tyler/El Blanco porn. For those of you who have not yet experienced Claire's OTP, the fandom is Tremors: The (TV) Series, and Tyler is one of the main leads. And El Blanco?
Is the worm.
'Ware complete crack below.
Once Upon a Time...
Once upon a time there was a young prince called Tyler. He lived in what once was a lush valley called 'Perfection', but the name didn't suit now - the ground had turned dry and all of the cattle were mysteriously dying.
His father, King Bert, had his own theories about what was causing the drought and the loss of his favourite rare steaks. "It's all the government," he said. "Can't trust those devious bastards! That's why my rec room is tin-lined, god damn it!"
"But, daddy," said Prince Tyler. "You are the government." He pressed one shapely hand to his forehead in thought. It had to be said that 'thought' was not Prince Tyler's strong point but he was very, very pretty. "Something else must be causing it. I will ride out on my trusty steed and intervest... invester... Find out what is going on!"
Prince Tyler rushed to his steed - a totally sweet and top of the range Harley because he was a prince after all and King Bert did like his son to have all the best *cough* toys - and set off for the desert. He rode all day and he rode all night, well for quite a few hours anyway, until he reached the cattle grounds.
There were still a few cows there, doing want cows do when no one was around, i.e. plotting world domination and working on evolving opposable thumbs, and Prince Tyler stepped off his bike and surveyed them. He wasn't sure exactly what 'surveyed' involved but he'd read the term in one of his cowboy romances and figured it was the kind of thing he should be doing.
As he watched, one of the cows, which had been eyeing him rather malevolently, suddenly let out a high pitched lowing sound - and that was the right term for cow sounds according to 'Porn on the Range', which he'd totally read for *cough* research purposes - and disappeared underneath the ground.
Prince Tyler blinked.
And then he blinked again.
And then something large and decidedly phallic pushed its way out of the earth. It had tentacles. Three of them; they were very large as well and waved in the dry desert air.
Prince Tyler blinked a third time and then he swallowed nervously.
"Monster!" he said, because he wasn't quite that slow on the uptake. "Monster, I have come to best thee in combat so that you will leave our cows in peace."
The tentacles whipped in his direction as though the monster was using them to see Prince Tyler and the young prince swallowed nervously again. They really were quite impressive.
They were even more impressive up close, snaking towards him rapidly and seizing hold of Tyler's ankles before he could even unsheath his weapon. But that was okay because the monster unsheathed his weapon for him. "Oh," said Tyler. And then, "Oh," again as the creature took his measure. And then, "Oooooh."
They wrestled for hours on the hot desert sand until Tyler's body burned with sweat and his fine clothes were reduced to nought but rags. In the end, though, our heroic prince was forced to admit defeat.
"I yield, monster," he said and the monster let out a soft almost purring sound as its tentacles moved over Tyler's body more slowly now, almost gentle. One brushed over the entrance to Tyler's body, and the prince let out another soft, "Oh!"
Our prince may have read many cowboy romances but romance was sorely lacking from his life. It was not, therefore, a surprise when he yielded there, too. He stroked his strange lover's pale skin as his lover stroked into him.
"I will call you El Blanco," he said. "That's cowboy for the White One." His lover merely grunted and made sure Tyler wasn't interested in talking after that.
There was, of course, some opposition from King Bert to their unusual union but after Tyler pointed out that with El Blanco around they no longer needed to worry about the cows staging a revolution, he soon came around.
And they all lived happily ever after. At least until the mpreg, but that's a (horror) story for another time.
The end
-o-
Scarily, this is also not the first time I have written this pairing either, and for that I totally blame![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
mmom and Claire, and since mmom is in fact Claire's idea and Claire's baby, that means I blame Claire. For oh so many, many things.
♥ babe.
Last night, I got a text from
moonlettuce that can be summed up as 'save me from shitty DJs and their insistence on playing ::shudder:: dance remixes of every classic song that's requested of them'. After rejecting my first suggestion of 'kill it with fire', I was left with no alternative but to text her something to cheer her up.Text her 24 times with something to cheer her up, because while Claire can text me random porn and fit it into one text message apparently my inability to be concise affects my 'it's almost midnight and I can't believe I'm writing Tyler/El Blanco porn' texting abilities as well. (And let me say now that you haven't lived unless you have experienced Claire's 'it's the end of the month, how can I use my remaining text message quota' texting of random porn to you.)
So below the cut is 700 words of Tyler/El Blanco porn. For those of you who have not yet experienced Claire's OTP, the fandom is Tremors: The (TV) Series, and Tyler is one of the main leads. And El Blanco?
Is the worm.
'Ware complete crack below.
Once Upon a Time...
Once upon a time there was a young prince called Tyler. He lived in what once was a lush valley called 'Perfection', but the name didn't suit now - the ground had turned dry and all of the cattle were mysteriously dying.
His father, King Bert, had his own theories about what was causing the drought and the loss of his favourite rare steaks. "It's all the government," he said. "Can't trust those devious bastards! That's why my rec room is tin-lined, god damn it!"
"But, daddy," said Prince Tyler. "You are the government." He pressed one shapely hand to his forehead in thought. It had to be said that 'thought' was not Prince Tyler's strong point but he was very, very pretty. "Something else must be causing it. I will ride out on my trusty steed and intervest... invester... Find out what is going on!"
Prince Tyler rushed to his steed - a totally sweet and top of the range Harley because he was a prince after all and King Bert did like his son to have all the best *cough* toys - and set off for the desert. He rode all day and he rode all night, well for quite a few hours anyway, until he reached the cattle grounds.
There were still a few cows there, doing want cows do when no one was around, i.e. plotting world domination and working on evolving opposable thumbs, and Prince Tyler stepped off his bike and surveyed them. He wasn't sure exactly what 'surveyed' involved but he'd read the term in one of his cowboy romances and figured it was the kind of thing he should be doing.
As he watched, one of the cows, which had been eyeing him rather malevolently, suddenly let out a high pitched lowing sound - and that was the right term for cow sounds according to 'Porn on the Range', which he'd totally read for *cough* research purposes - and disappeared underneath the ground.
Prince Tyler blinked.
And then he blinked again.
And then something large and decidedly phallic pushed its way out of the earth. It had tentacles. Three of them; they were very large as well and waved in the dry desert air.
Prince Tyler blinked a third time and then he swallowed nervously.
"Monster!" he said, because he wasn't quite that slow on the uptake. "Monster, I have come to best thee in combat so that you will leave our cows in peace."
The tentacles whipped in his direction as though the monster was using them to see Prince Tyler and the young prince swallowed nervously again. They really were quite impressive.
They were even more impressive up close, snaking towards him rapidly and seizing hold of Tyler's ankles before he could even unsheath his weapon. But that was okay because the monster unsheathed his weapon for him. "Oh," said Tyler. And then, "Oh," again as the creature took his measure. And then, "Oooooh."
They wrestled for hours on the hot desert sand until Tyler's body burned with sweat and his fine clothes were reduced to nought but rags. In the end, though, our heroic prince was forced to admit defeat.
"I yield, monster," he said and the monster let out a soft almost purring sound as its tentacles moved over Tyler's body more slowly now, almost gentle. One brushed over the entrance to Tyler's body, and the prince let out another soft, "Oh!"
Our prince may have read many cowboy romances but romance was sorely lacking from his life. It was not, therefore, a surprise when he yielded there, too. He stroked his strange lover's pale skin as his lover stroked into him.
"I will call you El Blanco," he said. "That's cowboy for the White One." His lover merely grunted and made sure Tyler wasn't interested in talking after that.
There was, of course, some opposition from King Bert to their unusual union but after Tyler pointed out that with El Blanco around they no longer needed to worry about the cows staging a revolution, he soon came around.
And they all lived happily ever after. At least until the mpreg, but that's a (horror) story for another time.
The end
-o-
Scarily, this is also not the first time I have written this pairing either, and for that I totally blame
mmom and Claire, and since mmom is in fact Claire's idea and Claire's baby, that means I blame Claire. For oh so many, many things.♥ babe.