I would just like to point out that this is all [personal profile] moonlettuce's fault. ALL OF IT!

Oh, God. The things I do for her.

Show Time, Blow Time (1311 words) by alyse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Tremors: The Series
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: El Blanco/Tyler Reed
Characters: El Blanco (Tremors), Tyler Reed, Burt Gummer
Additional Tags: Tentacle Sex, Public Sex, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Summary:

There's a soft snuffling sound somewhere near Tyler's feet and he closes his eyes, biting back on a curse. Not now. Any goddamned time but now.

But the world - or his world, at least - isn't listening.

Title: tentacles do tangle
Rating: PG13
Fandoms: Legend of the Seeker/SyFy Movies (to be revealed)
Pairings/Characters: No pairings. Legend of the Seeker characters, plus a special guest appearance.
Warnings: None
Word Count: ~800

Written for the Legendland crossover challenge, so done at the last minute and not beta'd, as per usual :D

tentacles do tangle )
Title: The Box of Uncertainty
Fandom: Legend of the Seeker
Characters/Pairing: Gen, Cara and Zedd
Rating: PG
Word Count: 650
Author's Notes: Written for the Legendland box challenge. Silly crack for which I don't apologise at all.

Summary: What's in the box?

The Box of Uncertainty )
Title: Hunting Haiku
Author: alyse
Fandom: Is a secret, but will be obvious. Spoilers for those that want them )
Rating: 15
Word Count: 103
Disclaimer: Not mine
Author's Notes: Written for [community profile] mmom/[livejournal.com profile] mmom, because I threatened told [livejournal.com profile] moonlettuce that I would write this pairing.

Summary: Hunting, in haiku form.

Hunting Haiku )
Title: Dirt
Author: alyse
Fandom: Anthropomorfic
Genre: Crack!fic
Pairing: Wastepaper Basket, and various other office supply pairings.
Rating: R
Warnings: Humiliation kink. Voyeurism. Exhibitionism. Blatant abuse of office supplies.
Word Count: ~400
Author's Notes: Written for [livejournal.com profile] mmom/[community profile] mmom. For [livejournal.com profile] geonncannon, who wanted Pencil/Sharpener and therefore inadvertently inspired this whole piece of insanity.

Summary: The other office supplies treated it as lower than dirt, and that just made Wastepaper Basket's plastic liner shiver with glee.

Dirt )
Title: Popsicle
Author: alyse
Fandom: MegaShark vs Giant Octopus
Pairing: MegaShark/Giant Octopus
Rating: PG13
Warnings: Dubious consent, possibly? If you squint?
Spoilers: Pretty much spoils the entire movie. Kind of.
Challenge: Written for [livejournal.com profile] mmom/[community profile] mmom
Status: Complete, one shot
Word Count: ~1,000
Disclaimer: MegaShark vs Giant Octopus belongs to Asylum Pictures, bless their twisted little minds.
Author's Notes: [livejournal.com profile] moonlettuce and I have this theory about the origins of a certain other Asylum/SyFy creature. This fic explains that theory. Sort of. Many thanks to [personal profile] aithine for beta duties.

Summary: "Together we shall plumb the depths of the deepest ocean trenches, my darling."

Popsicle )
Title: Paper. Clip.
Author: alyse
Fandom: Anthropomorfic
Genre: Crack!fic
Pairing: Paper/Paperclip unrequited longing. And wanking in a paperclip fashion.
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: None
Word Count: ~350
Author's Notes: Written for [community profile] mmom/[livejournal.com profile] mmom.

Summary: Paper was a tease.

Paper. Clip. )
Title: Happee Days
Author: alyse
Fandom: LOLCats
Characters/Pairing: Basement Cat/Ceiling Cat
Rating: PG
Word Count: Exactly 1,000!
Challenge: [profile] kissbingo - 'butterfly kiss'
Author's Notes: I'd blame other people, but this is all me. For my sins, and they are many.

Many thanks to [personal profile] aithine for betaing and pointing out my completely crappy geography. I can't even figure out the lay of my own land never mind anyone else's. Consequently, any geographical mistakes remaining are hers, all hers.

(Apparently I can blame someone for something! \o/)

Happee Days )
Title: Knife, Fork, Spoon
Author: [personal profile] alyse
Fandom: Anthropomorfic
Genre: Crack!fic
Pairing: Knife/Fork, Dish/Spoon, sundry others
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: None
Word Count: ~1,000
Author's Notes: Written for [community profile] mmom. In other words, here be wanking. Many thanks to [personal profile] aithine for looking over this for me.

Summary: It was difficult not to feel jealous of Knife and Fork.

Knife, Fork, Spoon )
alyse: terminator genisys -full body shot of Sarah and Kyle walking away from the camera (Default)
( Nov. 15th, 2009 11:08 am)
And committed is the right word.

Last night, I got a text from [personal profile] moonlettuce that can be summed up as 'save me from shitty DJs and their insistence on playing ::shudder:: dance remixes of every classic song that's requested of them'. After rejecting my first suggestion of 'kill it with fire', I was left with no alternative but to text her something to cheer her up.

Text her 24 times with something to cheer her up, because while Claire can text me random porn and fit it into one text message apparently my inability to be concise affects my 'it's almost midnight and I can't believe I'm writing Tyler/El Blanco porn' texting abilities as well. (And let me say now that you haven't lived unless you have experienced Claire's 'it's the end of the month, how can I use my remaining text message quota' texting of random porn to you.)

So below the cut is 700 words of Tyler/El Blanco porn. For those of you who have not yet experienced Claire's OTP, the fandom is Tremors: The (TV) Series, and Tyler is one of the main leads. And El Blanco?

Is the worm.

'Ware complete crack below.

Once upon a time... )

Scarily, this is also not the first time I have written this pairing either, and for that I totally blame [community profile] mmom and Claire, and since [community profile] mmom is in fact Claire's idea and Claire's baby, that means I blame Claire. For oh so many, many things.

♥ babe.
Title: Understanding
Author: alyse
Fandom: Primeval
Challenge: New Pairings on [community profile] primeval100
Pairing: Lester/to be revealed at the end of the drabble. Scarily, this is not the first time I have written this pairing.
Warning: 'ware crack!fic tag.
Rating: PG
Word count: 100
Disclaimer: Primeval and its characters belong to Impossible Pictures. No copyright infringement is intended. This is fanfiction, written solely for love of the show.

Understanding )
.

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