Alyse: last of her breed

I would just like to point out that this is all moonlettuce's fault. ALL OF IT!

Oh, God. The things I do for her.

Show Time, Blow Time (1311 words) by alyse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Tremors: The Series
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: El Blanco/Tyler Reed
Characters: El Blanco (Tremors), Tyler Reed, Burt Gummer
Additional Tags: Tentacle Sex, Public Sex, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Summary:

There's a soft snuffling sound somewhere near Tyler's feet and he closes his eyes, biting back on a curse. Not now. Any goddamned time but now.

But the world - or his world, at least - isn't listening.

Title: That's How We Rolls, Muchachos
Author: alyse
Fandom: Sahara
Character/Pairing: Mostly gen, hints of Al/Dirk pre-slash, Rudi-centric
Rating: PG13
Author's Notes: Written for yuletide 2011, for sinden, who wanted: Eva and Dirk having a genial parting of ways. Dirk taking Al off on another "adventure". Sandecker losing more of his property for weird and wonderful reasons. Rudy watching it all with bemusement and Al managing not to lose his hat.

Many thanks to aithine for the beta, even if she hates the way I spell tyres.

Summary: Rudi still writes to his mother once a week and his Aunt Sharon once a month, and it's a testament to the sterling qualities of his current compatriots that not once do they give him shit about it. Of course, he's not entirely sure that his mother and aunt would appreciate his companions' other sterling qualities, like the fact that while they may not give him shit about things, they're more than perfectly capable of landing him in it.

( That's How We Rolls, Muchachos )

Title: Popsicle
Author: alyse
Fandom: MegaShark vs Giant Octopus
Pairing: MegaShark/Giant Octopus
Rating: PG13
Warnings: Dubious consent, possibly? If you squint?
Spoilers: Pretty much spoils the entire movie. Kind of.
Challenge: Written for mmom/mmom
Status: Complete, one shot
Word Count: ~1,000
Disclaimer: MegaShark vs Giant Octopus belongs to Asylum Pictures, bless their twisted little minds.
Author's Notes: moonlettuce and I have this theory about the origins of a certain other Asylum/SyFy creature. This fic explains that theory. Sort of. Many thanks to aithine for beta duties.

Summary: "Together we shall plumb the depths of the deepest ocean trenches, my darling."

( Popsicle )

Title: A Guy, A Girl, and a Proposal
Author: alyse
Fandom: Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place
Pairing: Berg/Irene
Rating: PG13
Warnings/Spoilers: No warnings. Set post series
Genres: Established relationship
Word Count: 3,400
Status: Complete, one shot
Disclaimer: Two Guys and a Girl belongs to Fox Television, so of course they had to cancel it. I haven't forgiven them for Space: Above and Beyond yet. This is a not for profit fanfiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: Thanks to aithine for beta reading duties. Any mistakes remaining are my own. Written for my kissbingo card square 'emotion: love', and also for catwalksalone, who enables me unashamedly when it comes to all things Berg and Irene.

I saved posting it until today for beren_writes' ♥ Wedding Wednesday ♥.

Summary: Dr Bergen had to come and droop all over Dolores's desk with his sad sighs and puppy dog eyes, didn't he?

( A Guy, A Girl and a Proposal )

Title: Perfectly Presentable
Author: alyse
Fandom: Alice's Adventures In Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass
Rating: G
Recipient: lecri
Disclaimer: Alice is Lewis Carroll's, not mine, but technically this still isn't copyright infringement as it's out of copyright.
Author's Notes: Written for lecri as part of the legendland Giftgiving. Lecri requested, among other fandoms, Alice in Wonderland, so I hope this suits.

Summary: Alice has decided thoughts on many things.

( Percival was a perfectly nice young man, as young men went. )

Title: Knife, Fork, Spoon
Author: alyse
Fandom: Anthropomorfic
Genre: Crack!fic
Pairing: Knife/Fork, Dish/Spoon, sundry others
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: None
Word Count: ~1,000
Author's Notes: Written for mmom. In other words, here be wanking. Many thanks to aithine for looking over this for me.

Summary: It was difficult not to feel jealous of Knife and Fork.

( Knife, Fork, Spoon )

So, now that the yuletide stories are no longer anonymous, I can do the reveal thing. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain ::g::

I was originally assigned to write for Dessie, matched on Press Gang. Much as I love that show, it was the same fandom I was matched on last year, so there was a teeny element of 'okay ::sigh:: but I've done that'. So when I realised that she'd also requested a fic in another teeny fandom of my heart, of a kids' show that I utterly adored (and already owned the boxed set of series 1 for, even if I'd put off buying the rest of the series until they came down in price) but hadn't spotted to offer, I may have gone 'eeeee!' rather a lot.

If nothing else, it meant I could buy the rest of the boxed sets and then make up my mind which to write. And, as it happened, they had come down in price quite considerably, meaning that it was obviously meant to be.

The fandom? Maid Marian and Her Merry Men, in all of its anarchic, proto-feminist glory, wherein Marian is female and utterly fabulous, and she's the one who leads the Merry Men in battling the Sheriff of Nottingham and his very gay for each other soldiers, Gary and Graeme. Dessie's request was a story in which Robin realises that he loves Marian and what he does about it, and I noticed from her Dear Yuletide Goat letter that she also loves 'five things' fic. It was therefore logical to write a story in which Robin tries to woo Marian in five different ways, failing each time of course, and attempt to capture some of the zany spirit of the show, up to and including the musical interludes.

In short, I learnt how to html code musical notes. I am still very proud of that ::g::

The end result was Woo The Day. Writing it made me happy and I managed to work most of my favourite characters in, including Gladys and Snooker, even if I didn't quite manage to get the Sheriff, Gary and Graeme, or King John in.

After I finished the fic, I watched the pinch hit list avidly and volunteered for a few as they sailed by before the list died a death due to the moderator being banned for spamming. Eventually, I managed to nab a pinch hit for twistedchick who, among her requests, listed 'any' for Primeval. I wrote Watermarked for her, an Abby and Connor fic set after the end of series 3, where Abby and Connor make it home. It's quiet and self-indulgent, but I know that twistedchick tends to write thoughtful, character driven and introspective stories, so I wanted to give her back something I hoped she'd enjoy.

Official assignments out of the way, I went on a bit of a tear, writing fics for people I love where I could, and one additional story for Primeval and Abby/Connor for someone I wrote the same pairing for last year. The stories were:

Last Christmas for moonlettuce, which is Primeval and Nick/Stephen (with some canon Nick/Helen). Apparently Claire accused temaris of writing it, which promptly resulted in Tem turning around and pouncing on me (thereby earning herself a ficlet). Equally apparently, I should stop thanking 'A' for the beta in my notes, because Claire's reasoning was that that was me betaing for Tem, and Tem's was that that was Aithine betaing for me. Dashes. Foiled again.

'Twas the Night for temaris, which is a gen Dresden Files (the books) story. Not a fandom I've ever written in before but one that she requested that I recognised. The only one of her requested fandoms I recognised. I didn't recognise any of aithine's, but more on that later. Tem claims that she has her suspicions, but wasn't sure, but just confirms that I should stop thanking 'A' as my beta until after the reveal.

Then I wrote Mistletoe Mishap for cadhla on the grounds that she had the good taste to request Abby/Connor Primeval fic again this year, and when have I ever passed up the opportunity?

I thought I was done, especially as I couldn't write in any of the fandoms that Aithine requested. Come Christmas Day, however, I realised that there were only 665 stories in Yuletide Madness, and that since aithine actually had her main assignment, I could write her anything in any Yuletide eligible fandom if I thought she'd like it. The conversation went something like this:

Me: I totes could write an extra madness fic and be number 666
Tem: It would have to be less than 1,000 words
Me: I totes could do it!
Tem: *eyes me*
Me: I could write Primeval for Aithine!
Tem: Consider it a challenge!

I hit 980 words and went like this \o/ only to realise that madness uploading had closed. But the main Yuletide collection was open, and so I ended up adding enough words that it qualified for that (like that's ever a problem for me - it's not like I ever know when to shut up at the best of times ::g::). aithine came online just as I was uploading it, and guessed straight away that it was me, but yes, I did write Christmas Caresses (Abby/Connor, R) for aithine, just as a small thank you for everything she's done for me this year :)

Title: Morocco
Author: alyse
Fandom: Sahara
Pairing: Al Giordino/Dirk Pitt
Rating: 15 (for the swearing)
Disclaimer: Sahara is property of Paramount Pictures Corporation. And it is to ♥

Author's Notes: For Claire and Em and Eleanor, who dared me. And Tem, who made the doe eyes ::g:: Originally published in the connotations 2008 Book of Smutty Days, but it's past 1 Feb, so now I get to inflict it on the rest of you, too!

Many thanks to aithine for the beta.

Summary: "Did you see that?" Al is now just standing there, staring after the camel as it lopes away, point having been made. "Did you see that? That fucking camel bit my ass!"

( Morocco's hotter 'n hell in the midst of summer )

Title: Dancing in the Moonlight
Author: alyse
Fandom: The Addams Family
Rating: PG13 for innuendo
Pairing: The Thing/Lurch
Word Count: ~220
Spoilers: None.
Disclaimer: Apparently, the TV Show was made by Filmways Pictures and aired on ABC. The original - nameless - characters were created by Charles Addams. Either way, they're not mine.
Author's Notes: Dude. I can't believe that no one has written a mmom fic for the pairing with the disembodied hand!

Summary: On a great night, the Thing can dance.

( Dancing in the Moonlight )

Title: The Mechanics of Love
Author: alyse
Fandom: Firefly
Pairing: Mal, some Mal/Inara implied and some Inara/Kaylee implied
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: Set mid TV series
Word Count: ~900
Disclaimer: Firefly belongs to Joss Whedon, Fox and Mutant Enemy
Author's Notes: Written for mmom and my terimaru, because I've been promising her Mal/Inara forever.

Thanks to browncoat_2x2 for the title.

Summary: Sometimes a man gets to wondering.

( The Mechanics of Love )