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Gmail is being a bitch and not letting me send mail. Consequently, I cannot send Leah copies of any rejection letters and if I try to continue validating fic without the ability to send her copies of rejection letters, I will get very, very confused by what I have sent and what I haven't.
Well, that's my excuse for bailing, and I'm sticking to it.
::virtuous look::
Consequently, I'm doing the only thing that any sane and sensible person would do in the same circumstances.
Throwing a porn par-TAY in my el-JAY! Bring the champagne, people. But most importantly... bring the porn. Yes, people. Porn. Whatever porn you like.
Let's party like it's nineteen sixty-nine!
So... Sam/John/Rodney threesome anyone?
~*~
There has never been any doubt in Rodney's mind that Colonel Doctor Samantha Carter is hot. Seriously hot. As in 'seriously out of Rodney's league' hot.
She's smart too - although, obviously, not as smart as Rodney. That just adds to the overall attractiveness of the package but he's shallow enough to admit that since he doesn't know her that well on a personal level (and won't admit to any jealous appreciation of her skills on a professional level), in reality, it's mostly about the 'hot'.
And who can blame him? As well as being smart and sharp of tongue and wit, she's all bouncy, perky breasts and blonde curls, at least when her hair has grown out a little past regulation length.
Rodney's learned to appreciate hair that isn't quite chopped as short as it should be. It makes for something to hold onto when a talented mouth is wrapped around your dick and sucking your extremely talented brain out through it. Something to run your fingers through when that talented tongue slides into your mouth and wraps itself around your tongue instead.
Rodney has a thing for talented mouths as well as talented brains.
Samantha's mouth is talented but he'd never actually thought he'd ever see her put that talented mouth to use on anything but putting him firmly in his place. And for all that he'd... well, fantasised about Colonel Doctor Carter (both in her BDUs and in this cute, mid-thigh length white labcoat and nothing else, because Rodney is a traditionalist when it comes to the pornographic picture shows in his head), he'd never thought that any of those fantasies would come to fruition.
He'd never thought that he'd actually see her naked. Let alone naked and with her oh so very red and hot and glistening mouth wrapped around the cock of his other favourite fantasy.
But then John is nothing but persuasive, especially when it comes to the 'fairer' sex and apparently those persuasive skills even work on someone as smart and hot as Sam Carter. Rodney shouldn't be too surprised.
After all, they worked on him.
John's smart too. Very smart beneath the hair and the devil may care attitude. Smart enough to suggest this. Smart enough to engineer this - he and John naked with an equally naked Samantha Carter between them.
He's spoilt for choice, because there's Sam. Sam Carter with her brains and breasts and curves that would almost be enough to put him on the straight and narrow again, emphasis on 'straight'. But then there's John, with his smile and his hands, and his eyes that turn green in the dim light when he turns to smile at Rodney, and the uncurvy, hairy body that Rodney would never in a million years have expected to find sexy, but does anyway.
And a cock that's curving upwards as Sam raises her head and lets it slide out of her mouth with a soft, wet 'pop'.
Finding the cock sexy was a revelation. Liking to slide his hand along it, feeling the soft skin of it under his fingers even as it hardens beneath his touch, that was a hell of a surprise.
It's wet with her spit now, and his fingers slide easily along the length, John's hips arching up off the bed as he pushes into Rodney's grip in a rhythm that should be surprising in its familiarity but which isn't. Not any more.
It's surprising Sam though, her mouth opening in a smeared, pink 'oh'. He wants to wipe his thumb over the soft curve of her bottom lip and smear her lipstick further. He wants to kiss her, taste John's precome on her tongue.
He wants to fuck her, or John, or maybe both - fuck John while John fucks her and her short fingernails dig into their skin. The idea is incredibly hot and calculations fly through his head even as John's cock slips through his fingers; angles and trajectories and feats of engineering that will let him have both of them at the same time because he's discovering now that he's just greedy like that.
But first he lowers his head, and tastes Samantha on John rather than the other way around.
They'll figure something out. There are two hot and smart people in his bed, and two hot and smart people hot for him. But since he's not the one who's currently having his brain sucked out through his dick or fried by the sight of one man going down on another (and she whimpered, she actually whimpered when she saw that), he can put his brain to good use trying to decide which of the hot and smart people in his bed he's going to fuck first.
~*~
And, typically, while I was writing this, Gmail got up and running again, so I can no longer shirk my responsibilities.
Well, except for that one fic. That one I'm cheerfully palming off on Leah, cos she saw it first ::beam::
Well, that's my excuse for bailing, and I'm sticking to it.
::virtuous look::
Consequently, I'm doing the only thing that any sane and sensible person would do in the same circumstances.
Throwing a porn par-TAY in my el-JAY! Bring the champagne, people. But most importantly... bring the porn. Yes, people. Porn. Whatever porn you like.
Let's party like it's nineteen sixty-nine!
So... Sam/John/Rodney threesome anyone?
~*~
There has never been any doubt in Rodney's mind that Colonel Doctor Samantha Carter is hot. Seriously hot. As in 'seriously out of Rodney's league' hot.
She's smart too - although, obviously, not as smart as Rodney. That just adds to the overall attractiveness of the package but he's shallow enough to admit that since he doesn't know her that well on a personal level (and won't admit to any jealous appreciation of her skills on a professional level), in reality, it's mostly about the 'hot'.
And who can blame him? As well as being smart and sharp of tongue and wit, she's all bouncy, perky breasts and blonde curls, at least when her hair has grown out a little past regulation length.
Rodney's learned to appreciate hair that isn't quite chopped as short as it should be. It makes for something to hold onto when a talented mouth is wrapped around your dick and sucking your extremely talented brain out through it. Something to run your fingers through when that talented tongue slides into your mouth and wraps itself around your tongue instead.
Rodney has a thing for talented mouths as well as talented brains.
Samantha's mouth is talented but he'd never actually thought he'd ever see her put that talented mouth to use on anything but putting him firmly in his place. And for all that he'd... well, fantasised about Colonel Doctor Carter (both in her BDUs and in this cute, mid-thigh length white labcoat and nothing else, because Rodney is a traditionalist when it comes to the pornographic picture shows in his head), he'd never thought that any of those fantasies would come to fruition.
He'd never thought that he'd actually see her naked. Let alone naked and with her oh so very red and hot and glistening mouth wrapped around the cock of his other favourite fantasy.
But then John is nothing but persuasive, especially when it comes to the 'fairer' sex and apparently those persuasive skills even work on someone as smart and hot as Sam Carter. Rodney shouldn't be too surprised.
After all, they worked on him.
John's smart too. Very smart beneath the hair and the devil may care attitude. Smart enough to suggest this. Smart enough to engineer this - he and John naked with an equally naked Samantha Carter between them.
He's spoilt for choice, because there's Sam. Sam Carter with her brains and breasts and curves that would almost be enough to put him on the straight and narrow again, emphasis on 'straight'. But then there's John, with his smile and his hands, and his eyes that turn green in the dim light when he turns to smile at Rodney, and the uncurvy, hairy body that Rodney would never in a million years have expected to find sexy, but does anyway.
And a cock that's curving upwards as Sam raises her head and lets it slide out of her mouth with a soft, wet 'pop'.
Finding the cock sexy was a revelation. Liking to slide his hand along it, feeling the soft skin of it under his fingers even as it hardens beneath his touch, that was a hell of a surprise.
It's wet with her spit now, and his fingers slide easily along the length, John's hips arching up off the bed as he pushes into Rodney's grip in a rhythm that should be surprising in its familiarity but which isn't. Not any more.
It's surprising Sam though, her mouth opening in a smeared, pink 'oh'. He wants to wipe his thumb over the soft curve of her bottom lip and smear her lipstick further. He wants to kiss her, taste John's precome on her tongue.
He wants to fuck her, or John, or maybe both - fuck John while John fucks her and her short fingernails dig into their skin. The idea is incredibly hot and calculations fly through his head even as John's cock slips through his fingers; angles and trajectories and feats of engineering that will let him have both of them at the same time because he's discovering now that he's just greedy like that.
But first he lowers his head, and tastes Samantha on John rather than the other way around.
They'll figure something out. There are two hot and smart people in his bed, and two hot and smart people hot for him. But since he's not the one who's currently having his brain sucked out through his dick or fried by the sight of one man going down on another (and she whimpered, she actually whimpered when she saw that), he can put his brain to good use trying to decide which of the hot and smart people in his bed he's going to fuck first.
~*~
And, typically, while I was writing this, Gmail got up and running again, so I can no longer shirk my responsibilities.
Well, except for that one fic. That one I'm cheerfully palming off on Leah, cos she saw it first ::beam::
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PORN!
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Oh, that is classic.
And also, I should remember not to read any LJ comments at work tomorrow, just in case ::g::
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It's... mesmerising.
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John's hands wrapped around Rodney cock.
Rodney's fingers sliding into John's body.
John's mouth sucking on Rodney's fingers.
Rodney's cock sinking into John's tight heat.
Rodney's grip on his cock tightens and he closes his eyes, hearing John's voice wash over him.
Harder.
More.
Now.
Yes.
"Rodney?"
Only the voice isn't in his imagination.
Rodney's eyes open, meeting the startled gaze of John Sheppard.
And just like that, Rodney comes.
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::puppy dog eyes::
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Comment Pron or Ph.D? Hmmm, what should we do? NOTHING!
So he talked to Stan about it instead. Someone had to remember. Otherwise, all you had was the vague sense that white was all there was and all there ever could be.
"...and then there was that summer, and it was so hot, and I wanted to go down to the lake, but Andrew couldn't leave the house, so we lined the kitchen with garbage bags and made our own lake. Do you remember, Stan? You used to swim laps."
If he still had a body, he would have leapt out of it when a voice spoke inches from his ear. "And one day he swam up the leg of your swimming trunks and you tore the plastic and the living room flooded."
Dave blew his hair off his face. Hands. Why couldn't they have left each other hands? "You remember that, huh?"
Andrew's smile was serene. "I only hated away the bad stuff. That...that wasn't bad stuff, Dave."
Dave rolled a little closer. "Andrew? Are you okay? You look a little..."
"I've come to a realization."
Oh shit, Dave thought. He's cracked again and I'm gonna loose my head. I like my head! "What's that, Andrew?" he asked as calmly as possible, getting ready to roll and dodge and hide behind Stan at the first gleam of malice.
"I remember nearly every day you and I lived together. I didn't hate those memories away. And I think I know why."
"Why?" Dave gently bounced his head closer, as Andrew's voice dropped to a mere whisper.
"Because you made me happy, Dave." Andrew smiled, leaned forward, and kissed Dave soundly on the lips before bounding off a seductively as a head with a trailing mane of matted hair could. "And I love you too, man."
Dave reeled and nearly rolled himself over. Love? Love? He blinked, and would have slapped himself if he still had hands. Of all the times to figure weird shit out, it would have to be now. Story of his friggin' life.
Dave rolled himself upright, took a deep breath and bounded after Andrew. They may not have hands, or bodies, or anything. But he was confident they'd figure out something.
Probably involving tongues.
...
*runs and hides behind the turtle - don't kill me, please!*
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Re: Comment Pron or Ph.D? Hmmm, what should we do? NOTHING!
Oh, that is just classic. Truly classic.
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Yay, Porn!!
---
"John, what are you doing?"
John pushes Rodney back against what might be a sink. "Rodney," he whispers, shoving a leg between Rodney's thighs. "I just--"
Rodney grabs John's arms. "We can't--we're in a bathroom for god's--"
John's lips are hot and wet and they cover Rodney's mouth, swallowing whatever protest was coming next. Rodney can feel John's erection against his thigh and fuck it, he grabs John's ass and crushes him in close.
What did this weird-assed aliens expect, anyway, leading them down hallways adored with decorative images of naked men, naked hot men, naked men with great big hard dicks, doing things to other naked men with big hard dicks.
A celebration of manhood, they called it.
Rodney called it porn.
Good porn. Porn like John's busy mouth and even busier tongue, porn like the soft noises John made as he clutche at Rodney's shoulders. "Jeeze, Rodney," John pants against his cheek. "Let me fuck you. Right now. We can be fast. No one will know."
Rodney's mouth goes dry at John's words, because yeah, he wants that, he always wants it. "Okay, okay, okay, let me just" and his hands are at his pants, trying to unbutton as fast as he can, while John unbuttons his own. Then John glances up and meets Rodney's eyes, and John is grinning a big stupid grin. Rodney grins back, it's as if they are horny teenagers instead of intergalactic explorers but Rodney figures if they go out exploring different galaxies the least they can do is fuck in an alien bathroom, especially with the way John's dick is hard and red and Rodney knows how damn good it is going to feel in his ass.
"I got stuff, here, turn around." John brandishes a tube of petroleum jelly.
Pants shoved down around his ankles, and Rodney turns around, gripping the edge of the basin. "I hope to god this is a sink, and not the toilet," he says, prompted something suspiciously close to giggles from John. Then he gasps as slippery fingers penetrate him, first one, then two. "Oh god, yes, yes, yes--fuck, that's good, just go on--"
"Wait, you're tight," John tells him.
"Of course I am, we're nuts for doing this in the first place, I'm not exactly going to relax and oh god oh god oh god--"
John pushes inside and Rodney pushes back into the burn, he's tense and wound up tight and it's good, so damn dirty, both still mostly dressed, still in his boots, his jacket and the scrape of John's watch against his stomach as John hugs him close and sucks on his neck. "This good?" John asks.
"It's good, yes yes, very good." Stretched and full, John's cock is buried all the way up his ass, of course it's good and it gets even better when John begin to stroke his cock with a greased hand. "Real good," Rodney adds with a whimper.
Hard steady strokes, matched by hard, steady thrusts, and it's over all to quickly. John's cock rubs Rodney in all the right places, and when he squeezes the head of Rodney's cock, Rodney comes all over his hand. Then John grabs Rodney's hip and pumps hard, cock pounding into Rodney and short gasping breaths that end in a choked cry as John stiffens and comes. His cock pulses inside of Rodney again and again until finally he slumps against Rodney's back. "Oh god, I think I'm gonna faint," he mumbles.
"You can't," Rodney hisses, and John starts to laugh again.
"Okay, then I won't."
It strikes Rodney as funny, too, and amidst little bursts of laughter they pull themselves together, pausing for one luscious, sated kiss. A quick wash, and they're ready to face dinner.
"All freshened up?" John asks, pausing with his hand on the doorknob.
"Very fresh." Rodney doesn't point out that John looks like he just got laid, with that smirky little smile, because he probably has the same stupid little smile on his own face.
They head back out to meet their hosts. And spend all of dinner trying to not laugh again.
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Re: Yay, Porn!!
How good of alyse to give you a reason. Wow, was this hot. And laughter. I love post-coital laughter.
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Hot and dirty and oh so sweet. My favourite flavour of porn.
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Someone asked for porn?
If they'd have told her her lover would be a woman, Elizabeth would have been surprised, but not entirely disbelieving.
If they'd mentioned that this female lover from another culture was also from another planet, in another galaxy, Elizabeth would have recommended counseling. Intensive counseling.
Yet here she was, with a beautiful, alien woman lying in her bed. A strand of hair had fallen across Teyla's face, and Elizabeth gently brushed it aside. Teyla's mouth was open and her breathing was a little nasal. No one would ever believe that Teyla could look so ordinary. Elizabeth giggled at the thought of John's face if she ever mentioned Teyla's snores.
Covering her mouth, she tried to keep the sound in.
"You should be asleep," Teyla said without opening her eyes.
"I'm too happy to sleep."
Teyla opened one eye. "If sex keeps you from sleeping, perhaps we should refrain in the future."
Rolling onto her back, Elizabeth closed her eyes and feigned sleeping.
Teyla laughed softly and Elizabeth felt an arm circle her waist, and Teyla's breath on her cheek. "I know you are awake. I can sense these things."
Elizabeth kept her eyes closed.
A soft kiss just under her ear almost made her open her eyes. Teyla's hand stroked her side and she felt another kiss, then Teyla nibbled gently on her ear. Elizabeth resisted the urge to give in, to open her eyes and turn toward Teyla.
Teyla's hand covered her breast. Elizabeth could feel her nipple harden, seeking contact with Teyla's palm. When Teyla's thumb brushed her nipple, Elizabeth opened her eyes. Her gaze met Teyla's and Teyla smiled. It was funny how a smile could make you feel warm all over. Elizabeth lifted her head, closing the distance between them.
Teyla's kisses were almost unbearably sweet. They made Elizabeth ache in her gut, in her cunt, everywhere. She slid her hand into Teyla's hair, the softness of it caressing her fingers.
So strange that the strongest person she'd ever made love to was a woman. The curve of Teyla's muscles, the firmness of her, made Elizabeth want to press herself against Teyla, press and rub, and…
Teyla's fingers pressed into her, parting her, opening her. Elizabeth arched, breaking their kiss as she moaned. She was still wet from what they'd already done, from the way she'd rubbed herself against Teyla's thigh, kissing her almost desperately, wanting closer, wanting in. There were traces of her fluids still on Teyla's thigh, and that thought made Elizabeth push down onto Teyla's fingers.
Cupping Teyla's breast in her hand, Elizabeth watched her face as she gently squeezed Teyla's nipple. Teyla's mouth fell open as she sucked in a breath. She was beautiful. Amazingly beautiful. Every bit of her.
Wanting more, Elizabeth shifted until she could take Teyla's nipple in her mouth, could feel its firmness against her tongue.
Teyla made a soft sound and pushed her fingers firmly into Elizabeth.
Elizabeth sucked harder.
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Part II
She felt open, wet, exposed, and she wanted more, more of Teyla's fingers, more of her mouth, more of her.
Blindly, she lifted her face and Teyla's mouth covered hers. Deep kisses this time. Reckless kisses. Kisses that made Elizabeth part her legs still more. Kisses that made her lift her hips and offer herself up.
Teyla had exactly the right rhythm, exactly the right touch, and there wasn't any way Elizabeth could hold it together, could keep Teyla from making her come.
Teyla didn’t stop. She kept touching, giving her orgasm after orgasm, as Elizabeth leaned into her, shaking with the intensity of it.
Finally, finally she reached it, that place where all the tension lets go. One moment of bliss and then release, the pleasure flowing away, leaving her drained.
"You win, I'll go to sleep," Elizabeth said, her eyes closed.
Teyla chuckled.
Turning to look at the woman stretched out beside her, Elizabeth smiled slowly. "But I have something to do first."
"Do you?"
"Mmmm." Rolling, Elizabeth pressed Teyla into the bed and straddled her. "I do."
Teyla smiled up at her. "I should let you finish it then."
"Yes, you should."
Leaning down, Elizabeth kissed her. She had a beautiful woman in her bed. Sleep could wait.
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Lovely, as usual.
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It was nice of John to seduce Sam for Rodney like that. Such a generous lover.
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Because John's not jealous. Nuh huh.
Hee!
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::smirks and enables like an evil enabling thing::
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::fans self::
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And I love the muffin icon :)
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I don't know if you've seen this, because as I froze the thread she couldn't respond to people directly, but she's left a comment on her post, apologising for being an overreactive tit and promising that she'll include proper warnings from now on in.